February23
Get it? As in, if you’re not above the weather, then you must be under the weather. And so we are, me and Bean, hanging out below the weather. We got the sniffles and the sneezes and the occasional cough or two, but we’re on the mend.
Much has happened since my last blog. Lily now has two words in her vocabulary. There is the all important, Ma-Ma and now she says Godiva. First it came out as “Iva,” but within a few days it evolved to “Ga-biva.” Now she likes to have fun with it and add extra syllables by saying “Ga-ba-ba-ba-ba-biva.”
I love that she’s already breaking the rules of common vernacular.
February12
I’ve been away awhile–away from the blog, sit-down meals, vitamins, sleep and rest, and the kind of living that doesn’t feel forced and frantic. My knuckles are white from holding on, but what choice do you have with a baby? The drive to keep myself upright and moving and doing and taking-care-of is primal. I am still holding on, but it feels like Lily’s sleep issues are turning a corner. At their worst she was waking every 45-60 minutes and sometimes she just couldn’t go back to sleep for hours. Hours. In those hours I started slipping away.
Sleep deprivation is the purest form of torture. I don’t know what else to say about it, at least not here. In the meantime, life goes on. It may look dreamlike and hazy, but it goes on. So I am back and with me are the pieces of myself I could salvage through all of this deprivation. A good part of me was lost or destroyed, at least that’s what it feels like. I have faith that what was lost and destroyed needed to be. It makes me think of Shiva, the destroyer, and Jesus, who I found myself praying to all the time because of his compassionate heart and the ocean of love that surrounds it.
Om Namah Shivaya
Wahe Guru
Peace Be With You